How to Have More Willpower and Self-Control
The following insights come from the extremely helpful book, *The Willpower Instinct* by Kelly McGonigal.
Willpower: What You Need to Know
- Willpower involves three components: “I Will,” “I Won’t,” and “I Want.”
- Willpower is a natural instinct.
- Self-control is like a muscle that can be trained and developed to increase capacity.
- Framing willpower in terms of morality (“good” vs. “bad”) can be counterproductive. Instead, focus on your goals and values.
- Be mindful of dopamine! The promise of a reward is not a guarantee of happiness and can lead to disappointment.
- Feeling bad or guilty can lead to giving up, but releasing guilt can make you stronger.
- Temptation and procrastination often stem from our inability to clearly see the future.
- Willpower and temptation can be contagious, influenced by social proof.
- Trying to suppress thoughts, emotions, and cravings can backfire and make you more likely to give in to them.
Questions to Ask Yourself about Willpower
- When facing a willpower challenge, what is the more difficult thing to do? Consider what makes it challenging.
- Identify your two competing selves in relation to your willpower challenge. What does the impulsive version of you want? What does the wiser version of you want?
- What is the threat? For your willpower challenge, identify the inner impulse that needs to be restrained.
- Pay attention to when stress occurs throughout the day or week, and observe how it affects your self-control. Do you experience cravings, lose your temper, or delay tasks you know you should complete?
- How can you track your self-control strength over the course of a week, paying attention to highs and lows?
- When you experience feelings of exhaustion, how can you challenge them? Can you take a moment to see if you can go beyond initial fatigue, which can lead to self-control failures?
- Do you give yourself permission to indulge in bad behavior just because you succeeded in a willpower challenge?
- Do you often promise yourself that you’ll do better tomorrow, but struggle to follow through?
- Have you ever justified a vice because of one positive aspect, such as being fat-free, saving money, or being environmentally friendly?
- When you think about your willpower challenge, do you feel like the “real” you is the part that wants to achieve the goal, or the part that needs to be controlled?
- What activates your dopamine neurons and drives you to seek satisfaction?
- How can you pay attention to how retailers and marketers try to trigger the promise of reward?
- When do your desires cause stress and anxiety?
- When you feel stressed, anxious, or down, what do you do to cope?
- What is causing your feelings of fear or anxiety? Take note of what you see or hear in the media, online, or from other sources.
- Do you respond to a lapse in willpower with self-blame and criticism?
- Instead of taking steps to change your behavior, do you use fantasies of your future self to distract yourself from your current feelings?
- To build your willpower, ask yourself what future rewards you sacrifice each time you give in to temptation or procrastination.
- Are you avoiding an important task or change, hoping that a future version of yourself with more willpower will handle it?
- Are others in your social circle facing the same willpower challenge as you?
- Do you notice any signs that you might be imitating other people’s behavior?
- Have you picked up or passed on any behaviors from your close associates?
- Are you avoiding your willpower challenge by using social proof to convince yourself that it’s not important?
- Do you try to avoid thinking about something? Does suppressing it actually work, or does it just make the thought come back stronger?
- In your experience, if you forbid something, does it make you want it more?
Actions to Take to Improve Willpower
- Track your willpower choices for at least one day. Pay attention to every decision you make regarding your willpower challenge.
- Meditate for five minutes. Focus on your breath and use the words “inhale” and “exhale” in your mind. When your mind wanders, notice it and bring it back to your breath.
- Slow down your breathing to 4 to 6 breaths per minute to shift into the physiological state of self-control.
- Engage in outdoor activities to reduce stress, improve mood, and boost motivation.
- Ensure you get adequate sleep. Take a nap if needed.
- Lie down and take deep breaths to take advantage of the physiological relaxation response. It will help you recover from the demands of willpower and stress.
- Eat healthy, low-glycemic foods to make sure you have consistent energy.
- Choose one thing to do or not do this week, or keep track of something you don’t usually pay close attention to. Exercise your self-control.
- Clarify your biggest motivation for the change you’re trying to make. Bring that motivation to mind whenever you feel tempted to give in.
- Rather than using good behavior as an excuse to indulge, remember why you did something good and focus on that, instead of whether or not you deserve a reward.
- Try to reduce the variability of your willpower challenge behavior every day. Imagine how you would live if you had to do, eat, drink, buy, etc. the same things every day.
- If you’ve been procrastinating, motivate yourself by connecting it to something that activates your dopamine neurons.
- Mindfully engage in an activity that your brain tells you will make you happy but that never seems to satisfy. Evaluate whether reality matches the brain’s promises.
- Consider trying one of these effective stress relief strategies the next time you feel overwhelmed: exercising or playing sports, attending a religious service or praying, reading, listening to music, spending time with friends or family, getting a massage, going for a walk outside, meditating or doing yoga, or spending time on a creative hobby.
- Be kinder to yourself when you experience setbacks to avoid giving in again.
- Plan ahead on how and when you might be tempted to break your vow, and come up with a specific plan to avoid giving in.
- Wait 10 minutes. Whenever faced with temptation, take a mandatory 10-minute break. During this time, remind yourself of the long-term rewards of resisting temptation.
- Reframe the situation. When tempted to act against your long-term interests, think of it as giving up the best possible long-term reward for giving in.
- Pre-commit to your goals. Create new defaults, make it harder to reverse your preferences, or motivate your future self with rewards or threats.
- Visualize success. Imagine yourself in the future, or write a letter to your future self to reinforce your commitment to your goals.
- Take a few minutes at the beginning of your day to focus on your goals and stay motivated.
- When you need extra willpower, think of a role model who inspires you and ask yourself what they would do.
- Share your willpower challenges with others and imagine the sense of pride you will feel when you overcome them.
- Turn your willpower challenge into a group project and invite others to join you in achieving your goals.
- Feel your emotions, but don’t necessarily believe everything you think. When an upsetting thought appears, acknowledge it and how it feels in your body. Then, shift your focus to your breathing and imagine the thought dissolving or passing by.
- Accept those cravings – just don’t act on them. When a craving strikes, don’t try to immediately distract yourself or argue with it. Instead, remind yourself that suppressing thoughts is often counter-productive.
- Observe the urge. When an urge arises, stay with the physical sensations and ride them like a wave, neither pushing them away nor acting on them.